The Season of Change

My menstrual cycle began on October 22… right as we came into Scorpio season. What amazing energy it’s been to work with this month! I’m currently on Day 29, and it looks like this will be a 35-day cycle for me. So heads up… I’m in my Luteal Phase, which means lots of Straight Talk during the posts for the next few days. You’ve been notified 😉

The central theme during this cycle: Cutting Out My Own Bullshit. My body, mind, and spirit were done putting up with all the excuses I had been making about my lifestyle choices. And honestly, I have a long road ahead of me. Not supporting my PCOS body for the last 5 years has taken its toll on my health and it’s going to take more than one menstrual cycle to get me back on track.

I decided back in October about my movement, and I’m so grateful I chose Me this month. What was the decision? I was going to do a round of 21 Day Fix™. Autumn Calabrese created the 21 Day Fix™ with the fitness company Beachbody© back in the early 2010’s for people who wanted to improve their nutrition, strengthen their bodies and minds, and get them closer to their goals. It combines daily strength training and cardio in 30-minute workouts, with 2 Active Recovery days of Yoga and Pilates. The nutrition is simplified by using colored containers instead of counting calories or macronutrients to balance your meals throughout the day. I originally did this program 4 months after I had Aysen in 2014, and it was a game changer. I stuck with it for over a year and lost a whopping 70lbs! Yowza! While I used to be a coach with Beachbody©, I’m not anymore… so I’m only talking about this program because it freaking changed my life.

My goal this month was to get back into the groove of moving my Body every day. While I had increased my movement over the summer (I was doing 10K steps a day working on the farm as well as my Free Dance movements in my spiritual practice), I was not doing any organized workout routines. And for MY Body and Mind… I need some freaking structure or I won’t stick with regular movement. So, I had enough of my own excuses and decided to do the damn workouts, even if I had to modify every single movement.

Notice the nuance of my goal here: I wanted to get back into the habit of moving my Body in a supportive way every day. I didn’t say anything about losing 10lbs, or dropping a dress size, or anything of the sort. You know why I didn’t make that kind of goal for this first round? Because I wasn’t even at a point where I could ask my Body to lose weight. This is where we fuck up a lot when it comes to changing our fitness routines… we think that we can mistreat our bodies for years and then expect them to just bend to our will at the drop of a hat. If you feel called out, GOOD. Because I SURE DID when I had that realization about my own Body. Anddddd like I said, I’m in my Luteal Phase, so you’re going to get a lot of Spicy Sauce from me right now 😉

Kori’s Take on Wellness

Whether you realize it or not, you are in a relationship with your body. As am I. And while our bodies are absolutely incredible works of art and do their very best to keep us up and running, they reach a certain point when they start to break down from all the crap we put into them. By crap, I mean consuming processed food, eating things we are sensitive to, trashy media (doom and gloom news, junky TV, death scrolling on Social Media), constant exposure to stress, little service or purposeful living, lack of boundaries, trapped emotions, shitty sleep patterns, little or no movement… You know, a typical Western lifestyle.

5 years of ignoring my Relationship with My Body for lots of reasons: survival mode when I became a single mom, working in healthcare during a global pandemic, run-ins with hormonal birth control to “manage” my PCOS, losing my way in my purpose while losing my job, becoming a SAHM again… resulted in me gaining all that weight I lost plus another 20lbs (bringing up the total to 90lbs), becoming insulin resistant and feeling like shitake poopoo.

If you can relate to what I’m saying, please know, so much of this is NOT YOUR FAULT. I know you would never have actively chosen to gain lots of weight or not take care of your body… please hold that thought tight to your heart. So much is at play here: your beliefs about food, movement, your body, societal standards, how you grew up eating, and your actual knowledge about how to care for yourself… much of these beliefs are deeply ingrained and below your conscious awareness. All that being said, your relationship with your body IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. And whether you decide to be an active participant in that relationship or not is entirely up to you. Your Body is going to do Her very best to keep your Soul here on this planet for as long as She can, and if She is the only one holding up the relationship, She’s going to wear out.

What 21 Days of Working Out Did For Me

After years of ignoring my Body, even though I could tell She was telling me She was struggling (through weight gain, fatigue, joint pain, muscle spasms, irregular cycles, headaches and migraines, and just feeling not my best) I finally got to the point when I had enough of my own ignorance. Becoming a nurse was a big part of that… but really, it was about a year after I graduated when I REALLY became interested in what was going on. How did I realize my role and responsibilities in this Kori/Body relationship? It started with curiosity about my menstrual cycle. I’ll talk more about that exploration in another post, but for now, I want to get back to THIS Scorpio Cycle.

Today marked the end of my first round of 21DF. For the last 21 days, I showed up every day in front of that TV with my beat up tennies and 3lb weights. It wasn’t easy, but I kept showing up… not because I wanted to get rid of my chubby rolls or punish myself for not taking care of myself…. But because I LOVE MY BODY ENOUGH TO MOVE HER. She longs to move… indeed, She truly is Movement (Meant to Move). This is a MASSIVE paradigm shift from what society tells us about working out. Coming from a place of love, support, and nourishment flips working out on its head. And it really takes some deep soul searching to find that place. I truly believe that had I not spent the last year doing all this Inner Searching, I would not have been able to make these major lifestyle changes.

Here's a recap of my 21 Day Results:

- I am down 2” on my waist, 1” down on each arm, 2” down on my chest, and 1” down on my hips

- Total lost: 7”

- My flexibility has improved massively!

- I am sleeping better

- I haven’t had a muscle spasm in my back all month

- I had to buy a smaller size of underwear, because they were falling off my ass :D

- I do need to get new jeans… I’ve got slouchy butt

- I’m getting around so much better. The stairs don’t hurt my knees as much, its easier to take care of the chicken coop, and I’ve been much more bendy in bed *wink wink

- I was able to move from all modified exercises to only modifying some of them part of the time

- I went from no weights to using 5lbs on heavy weight sets

- I’ve only had 1 or 2 headaches in the last 3 weeks, as opposed to 3-4 headaches a week.

- I had lots more energy for Aysen, Dan, the animals, and my business

Anddd this is the best stat yet…you’re going to love this. Guess how much weight I lost?

One Pound.

That’s right Sisters… I lost one whole pound, which is basically the equivalent of a decent bowel movement. What if I had only been tracking my weight on the scale? Or if I hadn’t been paying attention to my flexibility, mobility, or how my clothes felt? Or how my head or emotions felt? Or how much easier it is for me to move around?

What if the only thing I cared about was that number on the scale? I tell you what, I would have been completely DEVASTATED. I would have probably said “Fuck this, this program doesn’t work, I only lost 1 stupid pound.” And I would have abandoned the program (which really translates to abandoning MYSELF), gone back to my old not-caring-about-my-body habits, and likely would have gone back to feeling stiff, bloated, and yucky pretty quickly. Do you know how I know I would do this? Because I’ve done it before. I’ve walked away from myself so many times in the last 20 years that it would make your head spin.

Why is this time different? Because I decided I’m not that person anymore. I’m not the version of Kori who walks away from the relationship with my Body, my Heart, and my Soul.

Because I decided those relationships were the most precious gift I have while I’m alive.

Because I chose ME. My beautiful, wonderful body was here the moment I took my first breath, and She’ll be there until I take my last breath. It’s Her and Me… She’s my Ride-or-Die Bitch… my Soul’s Mate. And without Her, I wouldn’t be able to experience this incredible life.

My Body allows me to be a mom to Aysen… indeed, without my Body, I would never have been able to carry Aysen in my womb, to hug her when she gets hurt, to do Cuds (cuddles) in the morning.

My Body allows me to love Dan… indeed, without my Body, I wouldn’t be able to kiss his fuzzy beard, to feel the warmth of his hugs, or to enjoy the ecstasy of intimacy.

My Body allows me to pet my dogs, to see a sunset, to ride my motorcycle, to hike at Turkey Run State Park, to draw a mandala, to speak to others about advocacy, to BE. HERE.

Conclusion

I’ve got some more love to show my body. Relationships take time to rebuild trust after years of abuse and neglect. So I continue to show up for Her in all the ways. I prioritize my movement. I make better choices in my nutrition. I write in a journal and meditate. I create art, literally and metaphorically. I speak kindly to Her. I listen when She needs rest and when She wants to move.

As this menstrual cycle is coming to a close, I look back and see how far I’ve come, and I look forward to creating new goals next cycle. My hope for you, Sister, is that you start to look at your own relationship with your Body, and decide to choose Her more, too.

Because Sis, you are TOTALLY worth it.

Love,

Kori Rae