This post might be a little different than others. It’s raw and real-time, and it hits like a 2x4 to the face. You'll notice this post has a trigger warning, because every person is on a path of healing for themselves, and we aren’t all in a space where we feel safe to pick up the Alchemist’s Mantle. And that is perfectly ok.
🚨🚨TRIGGER WARNING: This post contains mentions of rape, incest, pornography, domestic violence, sex trafficking, and other sex crimes. Please check in with yourself and make sure you are in a space to hold these topics before you continue reading. You are a beautiful human; this healing work is a spiral and not always straightforward. There may be days where you can transmute the pain, and others when you can’t. No matter what space you are in, I want you to know that I love you Sister, and I see you.
Smash the Patriarchy?
This morning, I had not one, but TWO incidents that happened in my world that illuminated shadow and brought up rage so pure and fiery that I literally had to do a scream/pound sesh with my pillow afterward.
Incident #1: A man blew through my daughter’s school bus stop this morning, blowing his dirty exhaust air in my kid’s face as she stepped onto the bus. Keep in mind, that we live on a state highway where the speed limit is 55mph at the end of my driveway. The bus was stopped and red lights were on, and the man slowed down like he was going to stop and then changed his mind and sped on by anyway.
Incident #2: I found a suspicious chat conversation on one the pet games on my daughter’s phone. It was clearly an adult pretending to be a child, and my daughter had no idea about the red flags in the conversation. While it was early in the conversation and I was able to stop it, the fact is that there was a grown person pretending to be a child in a game geared for young children so they could talk to MY child.
These, my Sisters, are wounds and evidence of the Patriarchy at work. And I am DONE being silent about it anymore.
The Meriam-Webster Dictionary defines patriarchy as, "A system of power that organizes society into a complex of relationships based on the assertion of male supremacy." While I feel it does come down to the fact that society is based on this idea that “to be male is to be better,” I think it goes deeper than that. It’s not just about men making more money than women, although this is CLEARLY still an issue – women get paid $0.82 compared to a man’s $1.00, and women of color make less than $0.70 on the dollar.
There is a bigger story here, and one I want to start talking about more. Why? Because I think it’s part of the wound I came to heal. How do I know that? Because I’ve felt significant pain and trauma because of the patriarchy, and I believe that if a person has a wound, then they can heal it. Because, I am a Divine Feminine Alchemist and Priestess, and I was sent here to transmute that pain into gold. I’m not hiding anymore… this work is too important and I’m ready to claim my place in the Spiral of Humanity as a humble servant of Love.
This isn't about "Smashing the Patriarchy"... because you cannot fix violence with violence. It only creates more violence. Patriarchy must be transmuted... alchemized through surrender and rebirthed in love. And it will take all of us to do it.
The Wounds of Patriarchy
"Patriarchy is an imbalance that hurts everyone. It is not just men ruling over women; it is a society where those at the top of the hierarchy rule over everyone below them. It's based on the domination of nature, minorities, women, and other men." - Gloria Steinem
When looking into a starting point for this post, I went to other authors who have written on the ideas of patriarchal woundings, and I loved what Gloria Steinem says, "Patriarchy is an imbalance that hurts everyone. It is not just men ruling over women; it is a society where those at the top of the hierarchy rule over everyone below them. It's based on the domination of nature, minorities, women, and other men."
Wow, this quote is powerful. It brings me to my first point about patriarchal wounds.
Patriarchal Wound #1: Patriarchy Hurts Women AND Men AND the Earth
The system we are currently living in hurts the entire planet. Just like a person who has alcoholism, cancer, or type 2 diabetes, there is no part of the body that is not affected by the disease that plagues the person. Patriarchy is a poisoning; it is a dis-ease that has manifested after thousands of years of imbalance in the masculine and feminine energies of the planet. And it affects every living being, including Gaia herself. Yes, Patriarchy affects women. Deeply. And, it affects men. Deeply. It affects the planet. Deeply. The sooner that we come to this realization, the sooner we can stop making each other enemies here and get to work doing the healing and repair.
I’m going to give it to you straight, no cap Sister. This morning, I was MAD. I was fucking furious as hell at MEN. Because when evidence of patriarchy surfaces, every traumatic event that I have endured as a result of Patriarchy rushes into my body, and I IGNITE into Rage.
This is what comes up for me when Patriarchal events happen in my life that I continue to release and heal:
I remember when I was raped by an ex-boyfriend when I was 19 while I was on my period. I told no one because I thought, “I’ve already had sex with him, so I guess it didn’t matter that I said no.”
I remember when my dad stopped hugging me when I went through puberty when I was 12.
I remember when I was told I couldn’t be on the dance team when I was 17 because my body was too sexy.
I remember when I was told I was fat and lazy when I joined the military because I was 3 pounds under their weight limit.
I remember when I was told to buy a bigger uniform than the one that fit me because I was “a distraction to the men on the watch floor.”
I remember when I was fed an obscene amount of alcohol and raped by one of the Sailors that worked for me the day I left my verbally abusive first ex-husband… and thought it was my fault, even though I was barely conscious when it happened.
I remember I couldn’t report the sexual assault because I was afraid I would be reprimanded. After all, the senior Sailor is always held more accountable when “fraternization” occurs.
I remember when my then-boyfriend broke up with me in a fit of rage when he found out I “slept” with the Sailor that raped me.
I remember when my second ex-husband went to jail for a sex crime committed before we even met and left me a single mom with a toddler, no job, and no house.
I remember that I’ve had to sacrifice a career because society has dictated for generations that I will be the caretaker of the child and house… because I’m the woman.
I remember that anytime I dress even remotely revealing, that I’m “asking for it,” that I “just want attention” or that I want to “steal someone’s man” …. All because I’m a woman.
… and I know I’m not the only one.
RAGE, Sister... because there is power in your Truth.
There is so much rage buried here, not just in me, but in all of us. And it boils up to the surface sometimes. It used to come up as violence against myself in the form of hateful words or binge eating, or it came out as putrid words of resentment towards my daughter or other people out in town (the Karen phenomenon). But now, I know there is a different path of healing. Because this isn’t a war between men and women. I know that now because I've done some work to uncover those stories. And the moment I became aware this morning that I was angry at MEN, I took a step and realized that anger is misplaced. I know that I cannot send hatred to men, or anyone for that matter, and still love myself because WE ARE ALL HUMAN.
Here's a simple truth that I've uncovered: The people that hurt me... they are hurting, too. Because “hurt people, HURT people.” Just like when I was in pain, I hurt others. That doesn’t excuse what happened to me, the pain I've caused, or what is happening across the globe every second of every day. It does mean that it’s my responsibility not to perpetuate the hurt and separation anymore. We ALL are affected by the society we have created, and we ALL are responsible for releasing and healing the wounds we have inflicted on ourselves and others. We do this through conscious alchemical work of release, death, rebirth, and growth, repeating over and over again. This is the Path of the Phoenix, the Priestess, the Goddess.
Patriarchy Wound #2: Patriarchy exists in every facet of our lives.
The Patriarchy isn’t just about men having power over women. It is more complex than that, and there is evidence of the wounds everywhere you turn. Here are just a few of the places where the pain shows up the most:
Overt Sexual Violence. There is more wounding in our sexuality than I have space to write about in this post. First, there is the devastating and obvious wounds of the Patriarchy at work: Rape and incest, sex trafficking, male-centric pornography, illegal pornography involving minors, and other sex crimes. For example, every 98 seconds, a rape is taking place in the United States. 1 in 3 women have experienced rape, violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime… and 91% of rape victims are women.
Subtle Sexual Wounds. Then, the wounds start to become more subtle, but no less crippling to our human. The Patriarchy shows up as stifling of healthy and natural sexual expression in every human being, man and woman, young and old. It is the shame and guilt surrounding the innocent exploration of our own bodies. It is the topics that get shoved into the Taboo Closet: any sexuality outside of heterosexuality, any gender expression outside of cisgender, kink/BDSM, menstruality, women’s orgasms and right to pleasure, masturbation, alternative relationship structures outside monogamy, explorative sex positions, and a myriad of other topics considered too risqué to speak of in public spaces.
Human Expression and Roles. Patriarchy shows up as dismissal and suppression of our emotions. You see the wounds of suppressed emotions when they spill out as violence, jealousy, manipulation, domination, and power moves. It also shows up in gender roles and automatic assumptions of the distribution of work in the home and workplace. Party planning, cooking, child-rearing, and cleaning? Yep, that’s a woman’s work. Running the company or holding a prominent government position, going after that dream job, getting a raise, having personal time… Yep, the men get to do those things more.
Industrial Standards and Establishments. Patriarchy rears its ugly head by showing up as beauty standards for women, and to some extent, men as well. It’s in impossible aesthetic standards in the health and fitness spaces for men and women alike. It shows up in religion across the globe, where humans with bodies are inherently sinful, women are treated as subservient to men and not afforded the same rights to teach or worship in the same spaces as men, and homosexuality and transgender people are considered abominations to God. Patriarchy shows up as healthcare disparities, where women and BIPOC people are treated in health care, receiving less pain medications, less coverage, and access to care, and their complaints are dismissed more often. It’s evident in the domination of women during childbirth, where the “all-knowing and wise” White Coat plays God and tries to control the most precious and sacred Divine Feminine process on Earth: bringing a soul into this world. The Patriarchy shows up in the education of our children, where the perspectives of indigenous and the “losers” of war are erased from the history books, or greatly downplayed and under-represented. It’s in politics and government, where women hold 35% of elected offices worldwide and even fewer are minority populations.
Planetary Violence. Patriarchy is evident in the violence towards each other on the micro and macro scales. Across their lifetime, 1 in 3 women, around 736 million, are subjected to physical or sexual violence by an intimate partner or sexual violence from a non-partner – a number that has remained largely unchanged over the past decade. Murder, war, genocide, gang violence, and the glorification of such violence in the entertainment industry, are all evidence of Patriarchy in action. It shows up as violence towards the planet in the forms of deforestation, over-development, pollution being dumped into our water and air, trash accumulating at unprecedented rates, and a complete disregard for plant and animal habitats. Patriarchy shows up as this attitude that humans have the biggest right to exist on the planet, and all other life forms are subjugated to our control and power. We make a road wider and cut down thousands of trees without a second thought to the millions of animals and plants that it affects.
I could keep going… but hopefully, you’re starting to see my point.
The dis-ease of patriarchy has permeated every single facet of life. It has metastasized and it will continue to eat away at Gaia and Her Children until we are all obliterated. That is… unless we awaken to the Divine Feminine and allow her alchemical nature of death and rebirth to bring the masculine into balance and heal us all.
Awakening the Divine Feminine
“We must reconnect with the Divine Feminine to rebirth the Divine Masculine and restore balance to our world.” Azra and Seren Bertrand, authors of Womb Awakening: Initiatory Wisdom from the Creatrix of All Life
Look, this cutting out the cancer of Patriarchy and healing the wounds is NOT a pretty process. It’s messy and painful, and if we stop hiding and start showing up as the Priestesses and Alchemists and Creatrixes that we are… we MIGHT just have a chance at pulling humanity off the proverbial ledge of extinction. We have to get out of victim mode and start reclaiming the power that is With In us all.
This work isn’t just for women, although I believe that women play an integral role in this restoration of balance because of our physical, mental, and spiritual nature as Creators and Birthers. I’ve known for quite a while that a part of my role is holding space for men as they rebirth themselves through their own Divine Feminine. Because we ALL hold both the Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine energies within us, and we ALL hold their shadow as well.
So, how do we do it? How do we awaken this Divine Feminine energy With In and start healing the wounds? Well, that’s a great question and one that is highly personal and unique. I’ll share with you my insights based on personal experience and stories I’ve heard from other Sisters and Brothers who have committed their lives to this work.
Healing Spiral #1: It starts With In.
This work can only start in one place, inside Our Selves. And we start this journey from right where we are. Violence perpetuates violence, therefore, we must start releasing the never-ending violent actions against our own bodies, forgiving ourselves for past wrongs, and building new habits that support love and growth. If we want violence to stop in the world, we have to stop the violence against ourselves. Violence towards ourselves shows up as neglect of our bodies, addiction, hatred self-talk, lack of boundaries, poor nutrition and sedentary lifestyle, doing things we don’t want to do, dressing in a way that is painful but what is the standard, and actual physical violence towards the body.
If we want violence to stop in the world, we have to stop the violence against ourselves.
This internal work is going to look different for everyone. For some, it may be getting out of a dangerous situation and starting the task of creating safety for themselves. It may start with healing our relationship with our menstrual cycle or pussies. It may start with healing the relationship around our food and movement. Maybe it means going to therapy. Healing may begin with changing our negative self-talk or self-criticisms. There are a million books, podcasts, and resources that can help you in these areas… so really, it doesn’t matter where you start, only that you DO. You can find a list of my recommended books HERE.
We must start seeing our bodies as the embodiment of God herself… the sacred vessel, our Soul’s Mate. When we start taking responsibility for how we are treating our own bodies and become the Ultimate Protector of them, then we can start making changes that will cull the violence and rebuild from a place of Love. The violence against others and the planet cannot possibly stop until we stop the violence against ourselves.
Healing Spiral #2: Expand Healing to Our Circle of Influence.
There comes a point when the shift With In starts to ripple out into one’s immediate circle of influence. I’ve seen this happen in myself and in many others (Ed Mylett’s story of his father’s recovery from alcohol is one of my favorite examples of this shift… he speaks about it frequently in his podcast and teachings). We now start to see how our actions, words, and thoughts impact others, and as we heal the inside, it comes out as a healing elixir that spills over into our immediate Outer World.
We yell less at our kids and partners and start cultivating open and loving communication. We show up more confidently and authentically at work. We express ourselves more freely with our friends. We’re more compassionate with people at the grocery store. We become more intentional about how we move, how we interact with others, and how we step into the world. And it starts to leave flowers and soothing the patriarchal wounds everywhere we go.
I want to point out something: it is NOT our responsibility to heal the wounds of others. We can inspire them to do the work themselves, but ultimately, people must walk through the First Spiral themselves. Often, we start this work, and people around us start to fall away. That's because they aren't ready to heal that part of themselves, and having your healing energy so close to them is triggering. Other times, we start the healing spiral and it improves our relationships and everyone around us starts their own healing spiral. It's important to remember that we are all on our own timelines, and not everyone is going to be on the same path as you. Alchemizing the Patriarchy is no small feat, and that's why you must surround yourself with others who are doing the same.
Healing Spiral #3: Step into the Role of Communal Priestesses.
This expanding Divine Feminine energy allows for another layer of growth and purpose, and it is evident by the drive to serve a larger community outside your immediate family and friends. As you continue to expand your Self-Love and devotion to your circle, you feel the Call to share your insights and discoveries with your community.
What does that look like? It looks like You showing up as your unique Light. Maybe it’s teaching an art class, or maybe it’s selling your art. Maybe it’s writing poetry and sharing it on social media. Maybe it’s painting rocks or making cute crochet animals and leaving them for people in random places. Maybe it’s speaking on stage. Maybe it’s singing songs on YouTube. Maybe it’s volunteering at your local nursing home. Maybe it’s a sitting protest at the bottom of a 500-year-old tree. Maybe it’s writing a book or doing tarot readings. At the end of the day, it’s the devotion to your community, service to others from a place of true love, and deep connection with One Self.
Being a Priestess has nothing to do with being a man or woman. A priestess is simply one who radiates love from within and leaves the moment, person, or space more beautiful than before they encountered it. I intentionally chose not to use the word "priest" because Patriarchy has kind of fucked up that word and its station in humanity.
Healing Spiral #4: Fully Embody the Role of High Priestess, Teacher, and Alchemist.
The continual expansion allows for you to now reach a much larger community and teach others to reach their own. The impact reaches a larger scale, perhaps on a regional, national, or international scale. Waves of change and inspiration pour from everything they touch as the balanced Divine Feminine (DF) and Divine Masculine (DM) guide their steps. I see the ripple effects of healing by people like Mama Gena, Brendon Burchard, Oprah Winfrey, Jamie Kern Lima, Ed Mylett, Deepak Chopra, Eckhart Tolle, Neale Donald Walsch, Barbara Marx Hubbard, Alexandra Pope, Rebecca Campbell, Vylana, Louise Hay, Mother Theresa, Ghandi, Kyle Gray, Bob Proctor, Jessica Alba, and so many others.
Whether or not they directly teach the DF and DM principles, these people have taken up the mantle of serving humanity with their lives, bringing their unique Light into the world to help others heal and grow. They all are human, and they have ALL come from the same Patriarchal society that we grow up and live in.... therefore they all still have a lot of work to release the grip of patriarchy and embrace love and community. If you listen to any of them speak, they will readily admit they are ALL still doing the work of 1, 2, and 3.
I believe that everyone can reach this spiraled level of healing, but they must actively choose it as a path for themselves. Not everyone wants to be in this large of a space in this lifetime. That doesn’t mean that their work is any less important if they choose to stay at the First, Second, or Third Spiral… because it’s the FIRST step that makes the most impact.
Patriarchy tells us that if we aren’t speaking or sharing our light on a massive scale, that our Life’s Work does not matter. You know what I say to that: Fuck that shit.
That’s another example of the Patriarchy in action: It tells us that if we aren’t speaking or sharing our light on a massive scale, that our Life’s Work does not matter. You know what I say to that: Fuck that shit. Taking steps to stop violence inside ourselves and healing our wounds not only matters, but it is THE WHOLE POINT. That is the work of Saints, and anyone who is courageous enough to take up The Brave Work (mending the wounds of Patriarchy) is worthy of respect and admiration.
Conclusion
YOU are worthy of your own love, Friend. I keep saying that, and I hope one day it will sink in. You can choose, today, right NOW, to take one step towards healing by letting go of the patriarchal programming that says you don’t deserve love and taking action towards loving your Self – body and all. It’s a CHOICE. And it doesn’t have to be this huge, ginormous decision. It can be as simple as holding your own heart and saying, “Thank you for beating for me today.”
As a matter of fact, do that with me right now. Put your hand on your chest, feel the warmth of your skin and the gentle beat of your heart, and pour all of the love and gratitude you can muster into your always-pumping heart. Tell her thank you for all that she does for you. Feel love and gratitude rush over you like a golden blanket of Love.
There you go, you are now a part of the Rebellion. You just gave the middle finger to Patriarchy and stepped into a space of Divine Love. If holding gratitude for your body is a rebellious move against the Patriarchal Empire, then I’m going to be a Self-Loving Jedi Master.
Are you with me?
💋Kori Rae
Leave a comment below and tell us: How has the Patriarchy affected you? What is one thing you can do today to start healing the wound?
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